Ren's New Leaf
by IsaacHayessoulgirl
Summary: Ren's the biggest jerk. EVER. But is that crap gonna change? R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

**Ren's New Leaf**

**By IsaacHayessoulgirl (Jesikuh}**

**YAY! My next fan fic.! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! NO TROLLS PLEASE! I know it's sappy, but it's also cute! I don't wanna give a way too much, but obviously, by the title, Ren becomes… BOM BOM BOM!... Nice! I actually got the idea for this story after seeing **_**The Last Temptation of Ren **_**episode. I noticed that he became less selfish, but from what I've seen, he never actually showed kindness. Enjoy! **

**Chapter 1:** **Ren, the world's Biggest Jerk**

Ren slowly awoke one morning to the scent of cat litter and the sound of heavy breathing. He slowly opened his eyes to see Stimpy only a few centimeters away from his face. "!" He let out a high-pitched scream and went flying above the bed. "Morning, honey," Stimpy said flirtatiously, completely oblivious to the fact that Ren was about to beat the living crap out of him. He magically came up from a ground, injured with a lump on his head. He had a beet-red face and a psychotic look in his eye. He got right in Stimpy's face. "Yoouu…"

"Did you have a nice dream?" He asked, sounding just like the time he said, "Are you feeling any _better?"_

"Yes, actually," He said, trying to recall. "I dreamt I was married to you, only you were blond and sexy and had a nice ass… okay, eet wasn't you at all."

Stimpy looked at the ceiling thoughtfully, which ironically made him look stupid as ever. "What does sexy mean, Ren?"

"Shut up, you."

"Oh. Well, I know where you can get a nice ass, Ren!"

Ren was suddenly interested. "YOU DO?"

"Yeah! There's a farm near the camping sight with the sweetest donkeys!"

"GRR! I theenk evolution just went back twelve steps!"

"Duh, I'm sorry, Ren, but you can't adopt Charles Darwin at the farm! He passed away a long time ago!" Ren's face began to boil and he slowly raised his fist. "Boy oh boy, Ren! Ya know what I just realized?"

"You're an _eediot?"_

"No! It's _snowing!" _He said in his really pleasantly surprised voice, growing excited puppy eyes.

"Delightful. Now go feex me up some grub and hot chocolate before I freeze and starve to death."

"But-but Ren!" Stimpy said excitedly. "Don't'cha wanna play in the snow later?"

"What are we, nine? No! Now where's my breakfast, you fat effeminate peeg?"

"Ren, honey, you're being mean!" Tears gradually welled up in Stimpy's eyes. He wiped them quickly so Ren wouldn't see him cry. "Is something wrong?"

"Yeah. _Your _styoopidity! Now _go!"_

""But-" he punched Stimpy in the stomach so hard his eyes popped out of his head… literally. "Good! Now screw your eyeballs back eento your head and _make me some damn food!"_ As he yelled this, his teeth got pointy and his fur stood up. "I'm goin', I'm goin'! Said Stimpy, rushing out of the room. As soon as he was gone, Ren let out an exasperated sigh. "_Eediot!"_

Meanwhile, Stimpy, who was in the kitchen looking freakishly adorable with his little apron and chef's hat on, turned on the stove and began to fry eggs. He sighed. "Poor depressed Ren! He just can't express himself. I'll get 'im to talk today we have some quality romantic time together, and we'll _both_ be happy! Yeah! But the poor thing's probably in the living room now, crying his eyes out, in need of therapeutic love and assistance!"

Ren was presently in the living room reading a nudity magazine. "Oh, yeah, baby! NICE GLUTES! Damn, I want some 'a _that_!"

Stimpy, still in his chef's hat and apron, came into the living room with two plates which held bacon and eggs. "Breakfast is ser-uved!"

"Oh, boy! I can't wait fer- where's my beer?"

"Ren, it's eight thirty in the morning!"

"Your point?"

"That's not healthy! You promised you'd stop drinking early in the morning!"

"Yeah, I said that when I was drunk." Stimpy sighed and slumped into the kitchen.

He handed a can to Ren. "Hah! Come to Papa!" He took a sip and spit it out. "What's thees crap?"

"It's alcohol free beer, Ren! It's the fun of drinking… without the drinking!" (If you caught that reference, I'LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND!) "Are you out of yer fucking mind? Go get me a beer!" Stmpy didn't respond. "Well, what's the dilemma, dumbass?"

Stimpy dug his foot in the ground bashfully and gulped with fear. "I… kinda got rid of all the beer, Ren."

"Oh, you leetle bastard. Well, I'll take a martini."

"Got rid 'a those too."

"Scotch?"

"Gone." Ren was beginning to lose his patience. "Okay. I'll settle for some wine."

"Ren, don'chou understand? We've got no more alcohol."

"WHAT?" He magically jumped in the air and remained, eyes bugging out of his head. "Ren, sweetheart, I know yer angry now, but all the alcohol was past its expiration date, and I don't drink!"

"Why _don't _you dreenk? Eet's fun!"

"Well, it's bad for your health, it kills lives, it's highly addictive, and my and/or our voice actor Billy West doesn't believe in drinking!"

Ren was dumbfounded. "See, Ren? It's not nice to be a smart alleck."

Ren's face turned red and began boiling.

**For the good of the viewers, this violent scene will be censored. Damn, you should see what's happening, man! Well, I think it's over. But just for the hell of it, let's begin a new chapter, shall we?**


	2. Chapter 2

**(A.N.: I **_**really **_**hope you're enjoying the fan fic.! As you can tell by now, I'm not a huge Ren fan. Keep reading!)**

**Chapter 2: Every Day I'm Shovelin'**

Ren looked out the window, watching Stimpy shovel happily. "Look at that _eediot,"_ He thought aloud. "So easy to take advantage of. Maybe our relationsheep isn't bad as I thought. All I hafta do ees keep heem preoccupied weeth chores. Yes. That's what _I'm _gonna do."

For the next three hours, he watched _Muddy Mudskipper. _"Thees ees what Steempy raves about twenty four seven? Jesus, no wonder he's so styoopid! I feel my IQ dropping every second!" He turned it off, looking rather bored yet homicidal. There was a knock at the door. "Who's barging een on my intellectual enlightenment?" He growled, stomping to the door. He rolled his eyes to see it was just Stimpy. "What's up, eediot?"

"Ren, I'm hungry! And my back's beginning to hurt!" Ren sighed in disbelief. "_Always _theenking ofyerself. How much deed you get done?"

"Well, half way, I guess, but-"

"THEN AMSCRAY!" He slammed the door. Stimpy sighed, trudging off the porch.

_**Many **_**hours later…**

Ren was listening to the radio by the fire. Suddenly, you heard Paul McCartney and John Lennon sing, "He loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah!" They came out of the radio, staring Ren in the eye. "And ya know, you should be gla-ad!"

"Damn thees editing on these stations," He mumbled. "Eet's _she _loves you. What are they, seenging to Umeda about Akiha?" John Lennon came out of the radio, shaking Ren by the shoulders while the rest of the Beatles continued to sing, "He loves you, YEAH YEAH, YEAH, and ya know, you should be gla-ad!" Ren, with a slightly scared look on his face, grabbed a mallet out of nowhere like Wakko and started smashing the radio with it. As you heard the sound of the radio dying, you heard John Lennon yell, "Oh, you rat bastard!" Ren let out a sigh of relief and sunk deeper into his chair. "Where the hell ees Steempy, anyway? He was supposed to make me dinner _hours _ago!" He stomped outside to find a half frozen Stimpy laying on the porch, incapable of moving. Ren actually formed tears in his eyes. He ran into the bathroom, drawing him a bath. He helped Stimpy into the house, talking to him softly. "Eet's gonna be okay, honey," He whispered in a sort of whimpering tone. "You'll be just fine, okay? I love you." He helped Stimpy into the bathroom.

He sat on the couch and rocked back and forth, hoping Stimpy was alright. He started crying.

"What eef the Beatles were right? What eef I wasn't good to Steempy? He's gotta make eet, he's gotta!" He beamed when he heard the door open, Stimpy with a towel around his lower torso. "Oh, there you are, Ren!" He said, hugging him tightly. "Thanks so much fer the nice bath, honey! It was so thoughtful!" Ren hugged Stimpy tightly and sobbed into his chest. "Ren? Are you opkay?" He patted his back frantically in an attempt to comfort him. "I'm so sorry, Steempy!" He sobbed. "I've been horrible to you! And not just een the Neeckolodeon show, the Adult Party Cartoon, too!"

"Aw, Ren!" Stimpy held him close. "You're a great best friend and lover! I love you!"

"I do too!" He said, picking himself up. "And I better show eet! I'm gonna treat you like royalty!"

"Aw. You do what I want and I'll support you!" They held each other until Ren said, "Wanna have sex?"

"I thought you'd never ask."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: A New Beginning

A/N: Well, here we go… we now see Ren being nice! Enjoy ;D

The next morning, Stimpy stretched and woke up, yawning. "Yay! Another sunny day with my favorite person, Ren! Wake up, hon- wait. Where _is _Ren? Hmm."

"Good morning!" Ren came frolicking into the room with two trays. "Ren? Are you okay? Yer _never _up this early!"

"Aw, Steempy, my baby, what do you mean?"

"Well, usually you knock me out with a baseball bat so I'll stop talking."

"Oh, Steempy!" He crawled next to him in bed, gently placing one of the trays on his lap and putting the other on his own. "Those days are over! I'm a changed man… um, dog!"

"Really?"

"Yep! And _notheeng _will change me back!" He put a strange emphasis on his words like Zim. And yes, I'm probably gonna make a Zim reference in every fan fic! ;D

"Wull… that's great, Ren! Good for you!"

"Wonderful! Now let us watch _Muddy Mudskeeper _until our eyeballs rot!"

"Duh, but Ren, you hate _Muddy Mudskipper! _And besides, we don't have a TV in our room!"

"Eh, eet's a fan feec. And besides, our house changes een every episode. And eef eet's your favoreete show, eet's mine too." He smiled sweetly and kissed Stimpy on the cheek. They cuddled up together.

Later that day, Stimpy proceeded to lick himself passionately on the couch. "Ah! Nothing like a nice bath to calm yer nerves! Well, I should get dinner started." He hummed "Paperback Writer" to himself. His stomach started rumbling. "Huh? Oh, boy." He started gagging. Of course, he hacked multiple hairballs. "Oh, no! I hacked hairballs all over Ren's paperclip collection!" He started shaking uncontrollably. "He's gonna be home any minute! Oh, God, he's pulling into the driveway!" He gulped. Ren came galloping into the house. "Hello, Steempy my love!" He skipped over to Stimpy, wrapped his arms around him and gave him a great big smooch. "Hey, you been using some new mouthwash? It's lovely!" (Keep in mind that he just hacked hairballs!) "Uh… um, Ren?" He stuttered, still shaking. "I… I…" He gulped again and took a deep breath. "I hhhhacked hairballs on yer paperclip collection!"

"Yeah, so?"

"So? I-I ruined one of yer favorite things!"

"Favorite thing?" Ren put his arm around Stimpy's neck… um, torso. "Steempy, _you're _my favorite theeng! I love you! No more Mr. mean Ren! When I said I've changed, I meant eet! Een fact, I theenk you deserve a treat!" He stopped shaking "A treat?"

"Yep. How 'bout you and me go out to deener tonight? Eet's on me!"

"Oh, Ren, I can't let'chou pay for it yerself! You gotta let me chip in just a little!"

"Uh… would that make you happy?"

"Of course it would, honey!"

"Okay! We spleet the beell! But that's not just eet! We're running low on food, so what do you say we run to the store?"

"STORE?" Stimpy's pupils grew. "Did you say… store?"

"Yep!"

"You-you never let me come to the store."

"That's gonna change from now on, darling."

"Can I freak out now, Ren?"

"Mm, when we're een the car."

"OKAY!"

Ren was casually shopping and humming to himself while Stimpy ran through the isles, tearing things off the shelves, repeating "Store store store store store store!"

"Oh, Stee-mpy!" Ren called playfully yet suggestively. "STORE!" Stimpy came to a screeching halt, literally making the sound of a car coming to a screeching stop. He held out a catnip toy. Stimpy gasped, growing big, teary eyes. "Ren… really? You said- oh, yeah, you renounced your old ways. THANK YOU!" He kissed and hugged him repeatedly. "Aw, I love you too, Steempy!" They hugged and rocked for a few seconds. "Come on, Ren, we should probably go pay fer this up front."

"Good idea." As they walked away holding hands, a store clerk freaked out. "WHO'S RESPONSIPLE FOR THIS?" He screeched, pointing to massive piles of V8 and Cheetos and all sorts of supermarket crap.

That night, the two were at a restaurant… a very fancy one. "Gosh, Ren, I just don't know howdda thank you!"

"Oh, Steempy, don't thank me! I owe thees to you. I have for years and years and years!" He sniffed, some tears in his eyes. "I've destroyed you weeth my anger, haven't I? Oh, the misery I must have caused you! Steempy… I hope you're not traumatized!"

"Ren, it's okay, really!" He said. "You've been nothing but good and kind to me!"

"No! You have done notheeng but wonderful to me seence the day we met, and what have I done? DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED!" He bawled. "Ren, people are staring. And please, don't be hard on yourself!"

"NO! I HAVE TO BE! Tell me, Steempy, what deed you do when I heet you then abandoned you to go to work? Deed you cry? Eempale yourself? Attempt suicide? TELL ME, PLEASE!"

"Well, uhhhh..."

_**FLASHBACK TIME!**_

There were just numerous clips of Stimpy farting, hacking hairballs, picking his nose, playing accordion, and wearing a tutu and makeup, dancing around the room like a fairy princess.

_**FLASHBACK OVER!**_

Ren stared at him blankly. "Oh, who the hell am I to judge? Steempy, I'm sorry! I'll never pretend you're Julia Roberts during sex again!" He leaned across


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well, how do ya like that, readers? Ren's being a sweetheart! But is it gonna get obnoxiously creepy? Stay tuned!**

**Chapter 3: Shit gets Creepy**

Stimpy tossed and turned in his sleep. He then began to sweat heavily. He woke up panting. Ren popped up. "Steempy, are you okay?" He patted his back. "I just had dreamt I made'jou cry! And that I hated you!"

"Steempy, don't cry!"

"But I didn't get to the worst part!" He sobbed, hardly bein g able to get the words out. "I then made you listen to a _Justin Bieber record!"_

"My god! That's one heck of a nightmare!" He gave Stimpy a BIIIIIIIIIIIIIG, HUG, to quote Norbert. "Steempy! I'm surprised at that! That won't happen!" Stimpy backed up and wiped his eyes. "It-it won't?"

"Of course not! You're too sweet! Eet's not een your character to make me cry! Now go back to sleep. We have to collect for charity tomorrow."

"Okay. Goodnight, Ren."

"''Night, baby."

**The next morning…**

Stimpy's alarm went off. "Oh, joy! Another lovely morning! I'm gonna do two of my favorite things! Help collect for charity and spend time with Ren! Ren?" He was nowhere to be seen. "But he promised he'd help me! Oh, well, maybe he got called into work. I promised I'd do it with him, so I guess I'll hafta stay home today," He sighed.

He now was cleaning around the house. He looked at the clock and gasped. "Ren's always back at twelve thirty! But it's twelve thirty one! I hafta save him!" He jumped in his room and jumped out in an Iron Man costume. "I'm coming, Ren!" But Ren came through the door. "Ooh! Are we gonna role play during sex again? I wanna be Batman!"

"Ren, where were you?" He said, taking off the costume. "Oh! I was collecting for charity!"

"What? Ren, I thought we were gonna do that _together!"_

"Well, you were sleeping so peacefully I decided you deserved some rest!"

"Ren, I do this almost every day!"

"No you don't. I've never seen you do that een the cartoon!"

"Ren, it's a fan fic.! It's just filler!"

"Oh, Steempy, I deedn't know eet would hurt'cher feelings!" He kissed his cheek. "Next week when I have my day off, I swear."

"Wull…okay." He kissed him back.

**The next morning…**

"Wake up, Steempy!" Ren sang.

"Ren… yer up before me? And yer _happy?" _

"Yup! I'm and early riser now!"

"Glad to hear it, sweetie," He said tiredly, smiling. He looked at the clock. "Oh my god! Ren, yer two hours late fer work!"

"Uh, about that… I feel I should be more honest weeth you seence my transformation. I got fired three months ago. I've been going to bars eenstead of working." Stimpy's head began to boil, but he took a deep breath. "Alright, Ren. We can go collect for charity now, but we're looking for jobs when we get back. Get it?"

"Steempy… you seem tense!"

"No, I'm just a little sick from overeating last night," He lied tensely through his teeth.

So the whole morning, the two went from house to house, collecting clothes for charity… with a cheesy music montage. Ren had a grin on his face like all was right in the world, while Stimpy just looked really annoyed.

As they walked home, hand in hand, Ren said, "Wow, Steempy, that was great!" Stimpy actually smiled a bit. "Glad'ja enjoyed it, honey pie." **(I'll give you my heart forever if you caught that reference!) **They arrived at their house… WHICH WAS _**GONE.**_ "What the heck?" Ren bit his nails nervously. Stimpy was having the most difficult time managing his anger. "Where's our house, Ren?" He spoke through his teeth… um, again. "I dunno! Oh, look, a letter."

"What's it say? What's it say?"

"Eet says:

_Dear Mr. Hoek, I am sorry to inform you that you have not paid your bills in months, so your house had to be taken away because this story makes no fuckin' sense and the writer has no idea what she's talking about. We also had to take all you material posessions._

_P.S.- You are a loser._

_Love… the people taking your house. God, I hate the writer's lack of knowledge!_

Stimpy's fists were clenched, and he was literally shaking with anger. "Oh, fudge!" Said Ren. "And the voiceover deedn't even pronounce my name right. Eet's Ho-ek, not Hoke! God."

"Listen, R- oh my gpd, my catbox is still here! And my litter, and the little toy mouse you gave me! This might not be so bad! I may just be able to stay in character!" The three things lit on fire. "Grrrrrrrr…"

"Well, we steel have each other, don't we, sweetie pie? C'mere and let me hug you!"

"NO! I'M SO SICK OF THIS CRAP!"

"What?" Ren's eyes immediately welled with tears. "That's right, don'chou see the wrong in _anything?" _Was I like this? God, no wonder you hit me! I'm sick of you! Here!"

"What's thees?" Ren bawled. "A Justin Bieber record that was randomly in my fur… shirt thing… oh, just take it!" He began panting. "Oh my god… Ren, honey, I-"

"Please! Leave me alone!"

"I-I can't believe it! My nightmare came true! I gotta go." He ran away crying. Ren fell to his knees and tears.


	5. Chapter 5

**(A/N): This is the last chapter involving the story. So I just wanna say I'd like to thank readers, supporters and friends who helped me make this possible. Jeff Mendelson, by the way, is a weatherman in my area who always tells us what to wear and stuff, explaining that joke. WE LOVE HIM! I'm sorry, I know the topic is kind of cliché, but it's never been seen in an episode, (not that I know of anyway,) but someone favorited it, so it must be good! Oh, and in between these chapters, Ren got rehired and got the house and all the material possessions back because I said so and I have no idea how any of this crap works. See you in the next fan fic.!**

**Chapter 5: Back to normal… Sorta **

Ren sat in a chair, watching TV and crying. "_Muddy Mudskeeper… _STEEMPY'S FAVOREETE SHOW!" He bawled and wiped his snot on the chair. "What, eet's my house now, eesn't eet?" A news reporter came on. "We interrupt this cigar obsessed mudskipper with some breaking news! A hurricane is expected to hit the area in less than twenty minutes! Jeff Mendelson says to bring a jacket and find shelter!"

"Oh, thank you, Jeff! But Steempy! He's out een the cold! He's gonna die! Oh, who cares? He doesn't like me!" He flopped back into the chair. The things Stimpy had said were screaming through his head. "I'M SICK OF THIS CRAP!"

"I'M SICK OF YOU!"

"GOD, YER ANNOYING!"

"I HATE'CHOU!"

"HERE'S A JUSTIN BIEBER RECORD!"

"Lovely weather we're having, huh?"

As these thoughts repeated through his head, his teary and frightened expression turned into a sour and angry frown. "That eediot! He theenks he can talk to me like that, even though he deedn't really say that last theeng? I'll go geeve heem pain worse than that of a hurricane! I'm gonna go find Steempy! And eet _certainly _has notheeng to do weeth me caring and loving about heem!" He stomped out of the house.

The sky was a terrible greenish black. Through heavy wind, Ren perused the town for Stimpy, tears in his eyes. "Well, I'm gonna assume thees ees the cliché 'he's somewhere een an alley, so I'll check there."

And sure enough, he found Stimpy in an alley crying. "What the fuck are you doing, you eediot?"

"Ren?" Stimpy looked up and sniffled. "I now hear his voice, although we shall never meet!"

"I'm right here, you bloated freak!"

"Ren? Please! Don't look at me! I was wrong!"

"Yeah, yeah, sappy, everyone gets eet, we're both back in character, you love me, I now admeet I really love you and all sorts 'a cheesy bull crap. Now, come on! That hurricane that they predicted last week ees coming! Now, let's go!"

"Ren… you go ahead. I don't deserve a good home."

The wind was getting even heavier. "Okay, look, Steempy, I was wrong to be codependent, and eet's my fault thees happened, I shouldn't have been so horrible! And I lo- I lo- oh, fuck eet." But he looked into Stimpy's sad eyes. "Okay, I love you! More than anything!" He started crying. "I'm so sorry!"

"I love you too, Ren! I'm sorry! And-"

"Okay, honey, let's cut the sap and _GET THE FUCK HOME SO WE DON'T __**DIE!"**_

"Okay!" They ran home, hand in hand.

They sat on the couch, wrapped in blankets, safe and sound. "Oh, Ren, I'm so glad you're not angry!"

"Enough sap crap. We're een love. Enough! Oh, and I have a surprise for you een the basement."

They walked downstairs. "Ren- you fixed my cat box and catnip toy!" He started kissing his face multiple times. Ren smiled. "Anytime, honey." As they walked upstairs, Stimpy remarked, "Oh, and Ren, I think I might be pregnant."

"_What?"_

"It's possible."

"What een God's name ees wrong weeth you?"

"But Ren, I haven't gotten my period in three months!"

"You can't have a period, you freak!"

"How do you know that for a fact? Anything's possible for a cat." Ren kicked him in the crotch. "_THAT'S _your answer on why you can't get pregnant."

"Eeek! Point taken."

They held hands and kissed.

**Stay tuned for the epilogue! ;D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Epilogue**

Jesikuh (me the writer):***Screams. She is sleeping on Ren and Stimpy's couch.***

***Ren & Stimpy come running out.***

Stimpy, anxiously: "Jess, what's wrong?"

Ren: ***Angry look on his face***"Yeah, what geeves? It's three een the morning! I have work at seven!"

Jesikuh: "I just had the freakiest dream where Ren, you were too mean to Stimpy and then you felt bad and got overly nice and clingy to him! And Stimpy, you got pissed and yelled at him and gave him a Justin Bieber record! Then you felt guilty and ran away when a hurricane hit! But you made up, Ren admitted he loved you, and you went home safely and found out that male cats can't get periods and that you weren't pregnant! Oh, it was every yaoi fan girl's paradise!"

Ren & Stimpy: ***Stare blankly***

Stimpy: "COOL!"

Ren: "Everytheeng about that was horrible! I hope you deedn't make that a fan feec or sometheeng!"

Jesikuh: "Uummmmmmm…"

Stimpy: "Now, Ren, don't be so judgmental!"

Ren: "Oh, shut up and come back to bed weeth me. 'Night, Jess, ya weirdo."

Jesikuh: 'Night, jackass. 'Night, Stimpy!"

Stimpy: "'Night, Jess!"

**And thus ends the fan fic.**


End file.
